HOW CHILDHOOD TRAUMA SHOWS UP IN OUR ADULTHOOD (Even When We Don’t Realize It)

Many of us in Kenya grew up in households where certain things were “normal.” Getting yelled at for speaking up. Being beaten for mistakes. Told to “be strong” when hurt. Or being expected to behave like an adult when you were just a child. These experiences, often brushed off as “how we were raised,” can quietly shape our adult lives in powerful and painful ways.

What is childhood trauma?

It’s not just about major events like losing a parent or surviving abuse. It can also be subtle, like growing up with emotionally unavailable caregivers, witnessing frequent conflict, or feeling unseen or unsafe. When these experiences go unhealed, they leave emotional wounds that we carry into adulthood.

How does this affect us later in life?

Difficulty with relationships: You might struggle to trust others, fear abandonment, or feel like you're "too much" for people. Some people avoid closeness altogether, while others cling to relationships out of fear of being left.

Emotional overload or numbness: You may overreact to small things or feel emotionally shut down. For instance, a partner not replying to your text might trigger anxiety that feels overwhelming, not because of the text, but because of old fears of being ignored or rejected.

Overworking and people-pleasing: Many adults who experienced childhood trauma cope by constantly trying to prove their worth. You work hard, never rest, and say “yes” when you mean “no”, all to avoid feeling like a failure or burden.

Fear of vulnerability: Being open about feelings might feel dangerous. You may keep your guard up, even with those closest to you, because vulnerability once brought pain.

Why it matters

When childhood trauma goes unacknowledged, it can keep us stuck in cycles that harm our mental health, relationships, and self-esteem. You may feel like you're “too sensitive,” “never enough,” or “broken”, but these patterns aren’t flaws. They are survival strategies your younger self developed.

Healing is possible

Therapy, support groups, journaling, prayer, and trusted conversations can help you process your past. There’s no shame in seeking help. In fact, it’s a powerful step toward freedom. As Kenyans, we’re slowly learning to move beyond “vumilia” (endure) and toward healing.

Your childhood may explain your struggles, but it doesn’t define your future.